When is someone going to realise what you have been feeling? Am I just a shadow, someone to follow you around ? I hate it, i hate the way you look down on me, the way you make me feel worthless, deprived from the things I need.
To my dearest friends and orchestra, I love you guys so much even though I've known you for less than three years, I love you with all my soul and I only hope for the best. I don't wanna leave you guys but this is a tough decision for me. I hope you understand that i never intended for this to happen nor shall i comply willingly. You will always be a part of my life and my soul, i hope the future turns bright and things change, so i don't have to leave you. Though i have experienced a LOT of hardships and barriers because of you and while i'm with you, i enjoyed the fun parts, where each individual forms an indescribable feeling, and as a whole, a great melody that no one can match.
My responsibilities are like a whole crap load of junk, some sentimental junk, some useless junk, and some well, junk. I threw away some worthy things, but i keep those that are more important to me, what's the use of having to many posts when no one actually cares for you anymore? What's the use of having some power while all the weight is laid on you? When you're the one people blame first when there's a mistake, when you're the one everyone depends on but they don't give a damn to help. I've been putting on a poker face so long to hear you diss so much crap about me and you don't think i know that you have been talking behind my back all along? You think you're so freakin' good, when you stand in the limelight, thinking you're the star of the show, i'm not your slave, or your dog, or you toy, don't just order me around, ask me to do stuff , and throw me away when you think i'm not good enough!
I've had enough of that, since you don't need me anymore i'm leaving, even though i love what i do, but my sacrifice is for the people of the future, to build up what has fallen to ruins, near ashes. The problems for finding a new generation is taking it's toll on me, but i still hope, like i did before, but hope seem false for this year, things have not been better. I have at least three MAJOR MAJOR exams this year, musical theory, piano practical, and one huge public exam. I'm no child prodigy, nor genius in composing , and definitely not a straight A student, but if i do not pass.... I loathe to think about consequenses. But people EXPECT you to be good, to know everything in the textbook, every single useless detail that we have to learn, eight subjects, eight months left to study, to memorize and understand what you have learnt for the past three years, straight A's, best class, perfect results! That's just NOT me , why can't you see that? Why can't you see i'm just not as smart as who you look to , i CANNOT be who you want me to be!
I love music, i always have, but i failed to see that until i the recent years, it's a bit too late, but i wanna be who i wanna be, a musician, a performer, someone involved in the arts, drama, the stage! But i doubt i can become one, just another face among the crowd, with zillions shining brighter than me... I guess it's just a dream, and it'll only stay like that....
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